


Pen Pals

by Halfblooddemon



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-10-13
Updated: 2013-07-09
Packaged: 2017-11-16 05:05:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/535830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Halfblooddemon/pseuds/Halfblooddemon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU. Dean and Castiel become friends after they are introduced through the Pen Pals program. Series of letters from high school until season four.  Not sure how to work the formatting on AO3. I apologize if it looks cluttered.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Introduction

Hi  
My name is Dean. Writing this is a waste of time. By the time, you get this I will have moved to another town, in another state. But it makes the old battle-ax of a teacher happy. Dad said to keep a low profile until he gets back from his latest hunt. Like I don't already know all the rules! Take care of my little brother Sammy, stay out of trouble, and don't cause any trouble. As if I haven't been following the drill since mom died when I was four.

So, how did you get roped into writing these stupid letters?

Dean  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Hello Dean,  
My name is Castiel. I volunteered to be part of the pen pal program. I thought it would be an interesting way to learn more about people. I hope that this letter will reach you before you move to another town. I have always lived in the same place. What is it like to move? To be able to see and explore new places?  
Do you like being an older brother? I am the youngest child. I have several brothers and sisters but they are off working in the family business. It gets lonely some times but Father expects all his children to follow the rules and be part of the business.

I am sorry that your mother died when you were so young. You must miss her. What was it like to have a mother? I never had a mother.  
Sincerely,  
Castiel  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Castiel,  
I was surprised to get your letter. I didn't think it would get here before we moved again. I can't imagine living in the same place day after day. Doesn't it get boring? Moving can be fun but it is hard on Sammy. He hates starting over at new schools every few months. I don't mind much since I know I will go into the family business. Sammy wants something different. Being a big brother is hard work but it is the best part of my life. Man, that sounds girly. Forget I said that ok?  
I'm sorry you never had a mom. Moms are great. They love you and take care of you no matter what. My mom used to make me sandwiches without the crusts and tomato and rice soup when I got sick. I miss her. My Dad does too but he doesn't say it. But he gets this look in his eyes sometimes, I know he is thinking about her. Sammy was only 6 months old when she died. I think it is harder for him, he never knew her.

I'm moving again tomorrow so if you want to write me another letter you can send it to my Uncle Bobby's house. I'll put the address on the envelope.  
Dean  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Hello Dean,  
I am sending this letter to your Uncle Bobby's house in South Dakota. What is it like there? Is it beautiful? Is it crowded or is it lonely? I have so many questions.  
Do you like your Uncle Bobby? I do not have any uncles. I only have my brothers and sisters. My brother Lucifer rebelled against my Father. He did not want to follow the rules. My father is very strict. I do not see him often but he makes sure we obey the rules. Do you see your father often?

Thank you for telling me about what a mother does. It must have been nice to have some one care about you. I am sorry that Sammy never knew is mother. But he has you to love him. I do not think any of my brothers love me. I do not seem to fit in even though I follow all the rules.  
Sincerely,

Castiel  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`  
Cas,  
What kind of name is Castiel? You mind if I call you Cas?

You sure do ask a lot of questions. It reminds me of Sammy. He always asks questions. Why do we move so much? Why can't I have new clothes? Why can't we have a normal life? That question always gets me. How does he know what a normal life is? The life we live is all he has ever known. He doesn't remember what it was to like to have a bed of your own, a room of you own. It's not his fault, of course. Dad changed after Mom died in the fire. Did I tell you she died in a fire? Dad tried to save her but he couldn't. He handed me Sammy and told me to run. We have been running from something ever since she died.  
My Uncle Bobby is cool. Kinda grumpy but he knows about stuff. The kind of stuff that I need to carry on the family business. Uncle Bobby has a salvage yard. He and Dad have been teaching me about fixing cars. My Dad has the coolest car, a black '67 Chevy Impala. I hope Dad will give it to me someday.

South Dakota has its own kind of beauty. You can go for miles without seeing anything but the blue sky. It isn't crowded but I don't find it lonely. I have Sammy and Dad, that's enough for now.

Did I answer all your questions?  
Dean  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Hello Dean,  
I do not mind if you call me Cas. I have never had a nickname before. Thank you. Does this mean we are friends now?

South Dakota sounds wonderful. I love the openness of the blue sky. I'm glad that you have your dad and Sammy. Being lonely is hard, especially when you are surrounded by people and still feel alone. Sammy is lucky to have you as a brother.  
I do not know how to drive. What is it like? Is it hard to drive? Is it like flying? I love to fly. Being in the air makes me feel alive.  
Your Uncle Bobby sounds interesting. Is there much to learn in your family business? Is it an exciting business? Have you ever thought of doing something besides following in your father's footsteps?

I am sorry your mother died like that. It would be hard to lose her but to lose her in a fire is extra painful. I am sure that your father is grateful that you helped him save Sammy.  
Do you think you will ever stop running?

Sincerely,

Castiel  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Hey Cas,

Dude, really? Of course, we are friends. You think I spill my guts like this to just anyone? I think you might be my first friend. Except for Sammy.

I can't believe you don't know how to drive. I thought everyone learned to drive. It isn't hard to learn to drive. Can't one of your brothers teach you? I guess it would be like flying if you drove fast enough. I don't like flying. How can you trust one of those metal planes? They are too heavy to fly. They crash, you die. At least in a car you have a better chance of surviving.  
There is a lot to learn in the family business. It is exciting, every hunt is different. The challenge of a hunt is addictive. I love the job, the life, and I don't think I will ever do anything else. Sammy will, he isn't happy with our life. I can't imagine doing anything but continuing the family business.

I don't think we will stop running until Dad finds what he is looking for.  
Dean  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Hello Dean,

I am glad I am your first friend, Dean. You are my first friend too. I have my brothers but I do not think we have the same type of relationship that you have with Sammy. None of my brothers can teach me to drive. They are too busy with the business. Father is having a few problems and needs their help.  
Will your father accept Sammy leaving the family business? Will he still love him? My father was disappointed when Lucifer left the family business. No one is allowed to mention his name now. It seems that everyone of scared of him.

It is good that you enjoy the family business. I do not enjoy my father's business but there is nothing else. He is my father and deserves my support and loyalty.  
What do you think Sammy will do when he leaves?  
Sincerely,

Castiel  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Hey Cas,

I don't know how Dad will react to Sammy leaving. Keeping Sammy and me safe has been the most important thing in his life. The hunt is what keeps Dad going; but keeping us safe is what Dad lives for.  
I don't know what Sammy will do. He likes to argue so much that maybe he will become a lawyer. If Dad says the sky is blue, Sammy will say it's green. I want the family to stay together but I don't see that happening. Sammy wants a normal, apple pie life. He will probably marry some blonde, have a couple of babies, and take up golf. Can you imagine how dull that would be? Besides, I can't leave Dad alone. He needs me to back him up.

I'm sorry you don't get along with your brothers. I fight with Sammy but I always know he will be there if I need him. Isn't that what family is for? To watch out for each other?

We are moving again. So it might be a while before I can get your letters. You will keep writing, won't you?

Dean


	2. Year Two

Hey Cas,

I know it's been a while since my last letter. We've been moving around a lot lately. We've been to Montana, Oklahoma City, and Biloxi in the last six months. I went on my first solo hunt in Wyoming. A simple hunt and burn but it was my own hunt! I celebrated with a few drinks and a pretty blonde waitress. But we don't have to tell Dad why I was late returning from the hunt, right? Everyone has their secrets even from their own family.

Dad worries that I'm going to turn into a drunk or knock up some small town girl. I'm not stupid, I know I can never have a family. I would never expose a child to my lifestyle. Dad didn't have a choice when he exposed Sammy and me to the hunting life. Whatever killed my mom took that choice out of his hands. But I do have a choice and I will never bring a child into my world.

Sorry, that turned into a chick flick moment.

Dean  
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Hello Dean,

I was happy to receive your latest letter. I worried that you had gotten hurt on one of your family's hunting trips. Does worrying count as a chick flick moment? What exactly is a chick flick moment? Why do only chicks have moments?

I am not sure what a salt and burn is but it sounds exciting. I am glad that you were successful in your first solo hunt. Your father must be very proud of you. Fathers are supposed to worry about their children. You cannot blame your father for doing what he should. I am sorry that you feel you can never have a family of your own. I know that family is important to you.

How is Sammy? What does he think of you going on solo hunts? I bet he misses you when you are gone.  
Sincerely,

Castiel

spn~spn~spn~spn~spn~spn~spn~spn~spn~spn~spn~spn~spn~spn~spn~spn

Cas,  
I forgot how many questions you can ask. Worrying isn't a chick flick thing but talking about it is one. Didn't your brothers teach you anything? Men don't express things the way chicks do. If a man is worried, he gets angry and yells. If he is angry, he yells and hits things. If he is really upset about something, he drinks and starts a fight with a stranger. Or his own family if no one else is around. He doesn't talk about his feelings. He drinks, fights, or fucks until the feelings go away.

Sammy is busy with school and his new computer. I'm not sure he even realized that I was on my first solo hunt. He has to get caught up with schoolwork. There are times when we have to leave town before we can get school records for Sammy so he behind on credits needed to move to the next grade. It is just one more thing that Sammy and Dad fight about. They are both so stubborn. They both think that it should be their way or no way. I don't think they realize how alike they really are.

We are headed to Ohio to hunt a werewolf. It might be a while before we get back to Uncle Bobby's house.

Dean  
PS- a salt and burn means covering the bones of a dead person with salt and burning the body. Easiest way to get rid of ghosts.

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Hello Dean,  
Thank your for explaining about salt and burns. It sounds exciting but so does hunting a werewolf. How do you hunt a werewolf? Are they dangerous? Do you ever get scared? I am sorry, that is a chick flick question. I am trying to learn this code of yours but it seems foolish. Why do you insist on hiding your feelings about things? Honesty seems to be the better way. I am not sure I will ever understand you.

Perhaps someday Sammy will realize that your father is doing the best he can. He is just trying to protect you and Sammy. He sounds like a caring father. I do not think my father cares if I am safe; he only wants a good little soldier. I should not say that. He is my father and deserves my loyalty. Please forget that I said that, Dean.

Be careful on your hunting trip.  
Castiel

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Hey Cas,

Dad learned about tracking werewolves from Uncle Bobby. Hunters have different ideas about what can force a werewolf to turn back into a human. Some say silver will do it and others say iron. They avoid wolfsbane too. They are dangerous, Cas. You don't want to get mauled by one or bitten. Can you imagine how it be to turn into a monster every month? To lose control and kill innocent people? Werewolves have to be stopped since there isn't a way to cure them.

Dad is doing the best he can but Sammy doesn't realize that. He sees how other kids live and wants to be normal. He doesn't understand that we can never be normal. What happened to mom wasn't an accident. Something is out there and it is after Sammy. Dad has had to kill to protect Sammy from danger. And so have I. Sammy was only eight when it happened so he might not know that I killed Anderson, not Dad. I don't think he even knows why Anderson had to die. Secrets are kept for a reason. Sammy feels like a freak already. Why add to it?

I'm as honest as I can be, Cas. There are times it is too painful to be honest. Too painful for me, for my dad, and for Sammy.

Trust me, sometimes it is easier to lie.

Dean

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Hello Dean,

I still do not understand why you keep so many secrets. But I accept your reasons for keeping them. How can you keep so many secrets? Does it bother you to keep them? Are the secrets what makes you drink? Or is there another reason for the consumption of alcohol? I am asking too many questions again. I apologize.

I could not imagine what it must feel like to lose control and to take innocent lives. I do not think I could live with myself if that happened to me. I would not want to become a monster. I will be careful not to let that happen to me. But if it did, would you hunt me Dean? Or would you try to save me?

Sammy is fortunate to have you and your father to protect him from danger. I wish that I had family who cared that deeply for me. Sammy will know what you did for him. It might not happen today but someday he will be grateful for what you and your father have done for him.

Sincerely,

Castiel

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Cas,  
I don't think you could ever be a monster. But if you turned into one I would save you. You're the only friend I have, Cas. I would do anything to save you. Don't worry, I will be there if you need me. I promise.  
Gotta cut this short. Hunting a Black Dog in North Dakota.

Dean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spelling and grammar mistakes in Dean's letters are intentional. Pen Pals also on fanfiction.net


	3. Year Three

Hey Cas,

Having some down time. Broke my leg during a hunt. So I've been spending time watching movies and reading books. Don't tell Sammy about the reading, ok? He thinks he is the only one who can read in this family. I might not be as book smart as Sammy but I'm not dumb. I've been reading Vonnegut and Kerouac. I found them at the thrift store when I went to buy some new boots. Pretty deep stuff but I'm enjoying it. Whenever Sammy comes back I hide the books behind Busty Asian Beauties. Sammy just smirks and does his homework. I don't mind that he sees me as less intelligent. It gives me an edge. People might see me and think mechanic or jock. It makes it easier to con when they don't see the truth of who I really am. People rarely look behind the mask to see the truth. 

It is our secret right Cas? Sammy doesn't need to know that I read or that I worry every time he is out of my sight. Sammy is a trouble magnet. Why can't he be a babe magnet like me? Seriously, it is a full time job for me and Dad to keep him out of trouble.

Have you watched the movies I told you about? Were you raised on the moon? Dude, everyone has seen Star Wars. Han Solo is awesome! Luke is wimpy at first but finally grows a set. Let me know what you think.

Later,

Dean

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Hello Dean,

I watched the Star Wars movie you suggested. I am unsure about why you admire this Han Solo so much. He seems to be a rebel, a rogue, and he never takes anything seriously. Why would he be a hero? Why does Luke go against the rules too? He should follow the rules that his uncle set for him. Also, why did Luke go against the Republic? I do not understand why he questioned the laws of the government. Following the rules is the right thing to do, isn't it Dean? I am sorry for asking so many questions but I truly want to understand why you see these people as heroes.

I will not tell Sammy that you enjoy reading. I do not understand why you want him to see you as less than you are. Nonetheless, I will keep your secret. I will never betray your trust in me.

Castiel

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Cas,

Dude, don't be so serious. I know that you will never betray my trust. We're friends, I have faith in you.

Han Solo is an adventurer, a space cowboy. He lives on the edge and lives life the way he wants. But he is honorable. He returned to help Luke, right? He might not always show it but he does care about his friends and is willing to die to help them.  
Luke is different, Cas. He is serious about doing what is right even if it means going against his family. He does love his uncle but he realizes that there are times you have to go against them to do the right thing, even if means you could lose them. Luke went against the Republic because he knew he was doing the right thing even though it meant going against those in power. Luke accepted that by doing what others considered wrong he would be considered rebel.  
Han and Luke are both heroes. They just express it differently. Some people are born heroes and others are made into them. Does that help you understand them better?   
When did I turn into such a nerd? Dude, burn this letter or I'll never be able to get a date again.

Dad should be back soon. He was meeting some other hunters to talk about protection spells. He is serious about learning everything he can to protect me and Sammy. We will be leaving Colorado when Dad gets back this weekend.

Dean

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Hello Dean,

Thank you for explaining the movie. I believe I understand your interest in Han Solo and Luke now. They have qualities that you admire in people. You want to be a hero too. I am not sure I completely understand the idea of rebellion but I will think about what you told me.

How did Luke know it was right to question authority? How did he know he was doing the right thing? Also, who takes control after Luke defeats the Emperor? Leia? How does Luke know that Leia would be a better leader for the galaxy than the old regime? How did he make these decisions? Did he talk to someone before he decided on a course of action? Forgive me for asking so many questions.

I am glad that your father is working so hard to protect you and Sammy. A good father should love and protect his children. You are lucky to have him. I wish my father cared as much as yours does. Maybe he does love me but does not show it the way your father does.

Where are you going after you leave Colorado? Is Sammy upset about having to change schools again?

Castiel

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Cas,

Don't worry about asking so many questions. I'm used to it. Sammy asks questions all the time. Or at least he did when he was talking. He is angry that we are moving again. Maybe some day he will realize Dad is doing what he thinks is right.

Some of your questions are hard to answer, Cas. Luke might not have talked to anyone about his questions. He went with what he believed to be right. Knowing what is right is a difficult thing. It means you have to think beyond what you want, to see what is best for everyone. It is about what is the best outcome for everyone regardless of what would be best for you. Sometimes it is about making sacrifices, sometimes more harm will be done before things are settled. It is about having faith in your beliefs and then fighting for them. Luke believed that Leia would be a better ruler than the Emperor because she allowed people to have freedom. There might have been peace with the Emperor in control but there was no freedom.

Damn it, Cas, all these deep thoughts are hurting my head. I'm going to get a beer.

Dean  
PS. Forgot to tell you we are headed to Nebraska tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also posted on fanfiction.net


	4. Year Four

Castiel,

Sorry about the last letter. I was pissed and I say stupid things when I am angry. The last hunt didn't go as planned and we lost someone. I didn't even know her name. She was so damn young too, close to Sammy's age I think. No one should die that way, Cas. Alone and afraid. It just isn't right. I hate not being able to save some one. Dad says that it is all part of the job-we can't save them all no matter how hard we try. He says stay strong, stay on course, don't lose sight of the goal. But it bothers him, I can tell. He doesn't think I notice but when we lose someone he trains harder, researches longer. He spends hours looking over the plans trying to find out where things went wrong. It is like he is trying to save Mom all over again, each time he loses someone it is like he is failing to save Mom. Hunting things, saving people is not just about revenge for Dad, it is about forgiving himself for failing her. We both feel the guilt but express it in different ways.

We are heading back to Uncle Bobby's house for a few days.

Forgive me for being such a dick?

Dean

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Hello Dean,

I am not angry with you so no forgiveness is needed. I am sorry that you lost someone during your hunt. Is there any chance that you can find out who the girl was so her family can be notified about her death? I am sure they are concerned for her. It would be painful for them to never know what happened to her. I have wondered what happened to my brother Gabriel. There will always be a part of me that wonders if he is still alive or if he regrets leaving us behind. If you can find her family, Dean, please let them know what happened to her.

I am glad that you are going to your Uncle Bobby's for a while. It will give you a chance to rest. It will also give you a chance to work on the car again. That seems to help you. Sammy should be happy about the visit too. You told me how much he loves reading over Bobby's books. It will also give you both the chance to spend time with your father. I would love to spend some time with my father but he is so busy. There always seems to be a crisis that deserves his undivided attention. I wonder if he would show up if I was in the middle of a crisis. I should not have doubts about him, Dean, I should trust in my father but there are times that I feel very alone.

Find her family, Dean. For me.

Castiel  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cas,

You aren't alone, Cas, you will always have me. I might not be much of a friend at times but I am your friend and I always will be. I will always be here to listen to you. Just as I know, you will always be there for me when I need a friend. After four years, nothing you could say or do would change my mind about our friendship.  
I'm doing what I can to help find her family. Uncle Bobby is helping me research missing children reports. I have narrowed it down as much as possible. But do you know how many children go missing every year? And how many of them are blonde, petite, and blue eyed teenager girls? More than I ever thought but I will find her family if I can, I promise you. She did have a birthmark so that could help narrow down the search.

But what do I tell them when I find them? I can't tell them that their daughter was killed by a supernatural creature. If I did that they would think that I'm insane. You know that civilians don't know about the supernatural, Cas. I can't tell them that she suffered and screamed. How could that help her family, Cas? I know I have to lie to them. Tell them she was in an accident or that she got sick. Anything but the truth-that she died scared and alone. But there are times I feel that my whole life is a lie.

Dean  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dean,

I am glad that you are my friend. I will always be there for you. That is what friends do you taught me that. If there is a time you need my help you only need to ask and I will come.

The lie you tell to save her family from years of grief is only a small part of what you do. That lie does not define who you are, Dean. You spend your life finding these supernatural creatures that kill innocent people. You research how to kill them, to stop them from hurting others. How many innocent people have you and your family saved? How many families still have their loved ones because you have stopped a monster from killing again? The lives that you have saved outweigh the lies you have had to tell.

Perhaps I should have not asked you to do this for me. I would not have asked you if I had known it would cause you pain. Forgive me.

Castiel  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cas,

No, you weren't wrong to ask me. It is what I would have done if I hadn't had my head up my own ass. I was too busy thinking about how her death affected me when I should have been thinking of her family. There are times when I get to caught up in my own shit. Thank you for reminding me of why I fight.

Bobby and I think we know who she is now. If we are right, her name is Brianna Adams from Rock Springs, Colorado. She was 15 and a runaway. She was reported missing by her older brother four months ago. Bobby and I worked out a story for him. I hope it helps him deal with her death and gives him some peace.

Dean


	5. Year Five

Hey Cas,

Spent my 22 birthday in Arkansas hunting. Finished the hunt earlier than I expected but didn't report back to Dad yet. I'm taking my time returning to base camp. I needed a break and a road trip to check out a few tourist traps sounded fun.

I stopped to check out the Boggy Creek Monster too. I got Sammy a T-shirt. The bigfoot on it looks just like him. He would like a book more but sometimes he needs to just lighten up. I picked you up something too. I hope that you enjoy them.

Will write more later. Going to Dinosaur World next. Might pick Sammy up a stuffed T Rex.  
Dean

PS. I sent you a package. Hope you like it.

spn~spn~spn~spn~spn~spn~spn~spn~spn~spn~spn~spn~spn

Dean,

Thank you for the presents. I have already started reading American Roadside Attractions. Have you seen all the places that you marked? What is the purpose of the Kaskaskia Dragon? Or a shrine built to the Worlds Largest Bottle of Ketchup? Do people really believe in the Fountain of Youth? People are very strange, Dean.  
The second book is a joke, correct? Popular Culture for Dummies. You are making fun of me for not understanding your jokes about Star Trek. Perhaps now I can find out why you call me Spock. Will it explain why Gwyneth Paltrow is considered a good actress?

I can understand your need for a break. You have been hunting and fighting for most of your life. A road trip sounds like a nice way to relax. I would like to go on a road trip someday. Find somewhere green with flowers, trees, and sunshine. A peaceful place without worries.

That was a chick flick moment. My apologies.

Castiel

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Cas,

Yes, that was a chick flick moment. At least you are getting better at recognizing them. Your idea does sound like Heaven. At least for a while, I'm not sure how much peace I can handle. I've lived on the edge so long that the quiet makes me nervous. Damn, chick flick moments must be contagious.

Just read the book, Cas. It will help you understand me better. I spend half my time explaining things to you since you don't understand the references. No, it won't explain why Gwyneth Paltrow is considered a good actress. It had to have been a crossroads deal; no other explanation makes any sense.

Yes, I have been all the places that I marked in the Roadside book. We are on the road a lot and stopping at unusual spots helps break up the boredom. It gives us all a break from each other too. Sammy is gassy most of the time and Dad can be moody so getting out of the car even for half an hour is a relief.

You don't have to say mention that to them when you meet them. Just our little secret. You do want to meet my family, don't you? Maybe not right now since things are kind of tense but I would like you to meet them. I think you and Sammy could become friends. He is almost as nerdy as you are. Seven foot tall but still a nerd.  
I'm headed back to meet up with Dad and Sammy. Will quiz you on pop culture next time.

Dean

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Dean,

Of course I would like to meet your family. They are a very important part of your life and I would like to get to know them. When the time is right I hope to meet Sammy and your father. Do you think that they would like me? You say that I am like an alien, would they think I'm as strange too? I want your family to like me.

I made a list of roadside attractions that I would like to visit someday. It could be fun to go to them with you and Sammy. I also started reading about pop culture. I do not understand why it is so interesting to you but I am trying. The Lord of the Rings movies do look interesting. Have you seen the films? I know you like the science fiction type of movies.

Are you almost home? Your father must be getting worried about you. You must be missing Sammy too.

Castiel

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Cas,

I got back a few days ago. Sammy gave me grief about the T shirt but he is wearing it. Dad gave me the same old lecture about checking in every night while out on a hunt. I know he is right, damn it, but there are times I wish he would remember I am an adult. He trained me so he should have some faith in my abilities.  
I shouldn't gripe about it. He is under enough stress right now with Sammy. He and Dad are going at it all the time. Dad wants Sammy to take a more active part in the family business after he graduates. Sammy doesn't want any part of it. He wants to go to college and have a normal life. I don't think this is going to end well for any of us.

Yes, I have seen all of the Lord of the Ring movies. I read all of the books too. I would love to see a movie made out of The Hobbit. Epic adventures, heroes, and even a dragon named Smaug. Try reading the books and then watching the movies. Then I can bore your ears off talking about it.

Sammy looks at me like I'm crazy when I mention the book. I guess he has forgotten that I read it to him when he was little. Sometimes he forgets the good times we had and only sees the rough times. I'm not sure why he does that. We aren't as close as we once were.

Shit, I'm sorry for being so depressing. I will try to do better next time.

Dean

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Cas,

Sammy is gone. He and Dad got into a fight and he left. Dad told him if he left to never come back. Sammy just looked at me, turned around, and walked away. He didn't say a word.

It hurt, Cas, more than any gunshot wound or broken bone. When he learned to walk he took his first steps towards me and today he just walked away.  
Dean


	6. Chapter 6

Hey Cas,

I'm not sure why you are still writing me letters after all this time. I would have given up a long time ago. I've been a crap friend, Cas. Things fell apart when Sammy left. Not an excuse just the truth. Dad just closed down. The only time he mentioned Sammy was when he was drunk in Columbus. He kept saying "Mary, forgive me. I couldn't keep the family together." When I asked him about it the next day, he just gave me a blank look and said that we were headed to Santa Fe.

There was a girl in Missouri. She was something special, Cas. Smart, beautiful, funny. I think mom would have loved her. But I screwed it up. I told her the truth, about the family business. I should have known better than to tell a civilian. They can't handle the reality of the supernatural. Lesson learned.

You know the drill. Send any letters to Bobby's.

Dean

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Hello Dean,

Friends don't give up on each other. They stick together no matter what happens. You taught me that, remember? I am not going to give up just because you don't answer a few letters.

You and Sammy are the only things that your father has left. Sammy leaving did not just hurt your father, it hurt you. He should understand that. Perhaps, in time, he will.

You will find someone, Dean, a person who will love you and accept your life. If she could not handle the supernatural, she was not the person for you. Give it time. When you meet the right person sparks will fly.

I have to go. My father has work for me. I hope to hear from you soon.

Castiel

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Cas,

Sparks will fly? Have you been reading your sister's romance novels? Or watching the Lifetime channel? Seriously, Cas, I would be happy if I can find someone who put up with me for longer than a few days. She wouldn't even need to understand all my jokes as long as she loves Star Wars. And loves pie.

Dad and I went to check up on Sam last week. It was his twenty first birthday. He has a new girlfriend, a beautiful blonde. He seems happy. College life suits him, Cas. I haven't seen him smile like that in years. Hell, I've never seen him that relaxed and at ease. We broke into his apartment. The idiot doesn't even have any protection symbols set up in the place. He is leaving himself open to an attack. Maybe he doesn't think the evil will follow him into his new life. I think he is wrong.

Dad and I are leaving for New Iberia. We need to get rid of a Houngan before he claims another victim.

Thank you for not giving up on me.

Dean


	7. Chapter 7

Cas,

I can't believe you don't know about the Lifetime channel. Don't you have a TV? Never mind, you are better off not knowing about it. It's full of sex, lies, and cheating spouses. Don't ask how I know, just trust me on this, okay?

Dad is hiding something from me. He spent hours locked in a room with Uncle Bobby and when he came out he looked, I don't know, different. Like he was hopeful and angry at the same time. It was strange. When he tries to hide something from me he usually avoids talking to me but this time he wouldn't let me out of his sight. Almost like he was afraid of losing me.

I'll be turning twenty six in a few weeks. It seems strange to think that when my dad was my age he was married with a two year old. I don't think I'll ever have a child. I can't keep a woman for more than a week. How could I keep one long enough to get married and have kids?

Not that I want a child right now. I might not ever want one.

What kind of father would I be? I'm a high school dropout who fights demons for a living. And trust me, the job doesn't pay well.

Talk to you later,

Dean

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Dean,

I will take your advice about avoiding the Lifetime channel. I admit I am confused by why you would avoid it if it involves sex. You seem to be very interested in that topic. And lies, you say that everyone lies to protect themselves. I do not understand that but I will try to remember it.

I know your father is afraid of losing you. How can he not be? He lost your mother and Sammy is gone. You are all that he has left.

Perhaps he is hiding something from you because he believes it will hurt you. It may be his way of protecting you. That is a father's job.

Education and money is not necessary to make a person a good father. The ability to love and the desire to protect are two things you are good at, Dean. Those qualities will make you a great father.

Happy Birthday, Dean.

Cas

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Cas,

I don't have the time to talk to you about sex right now. We can talk about that when we meet in person. It might take days to cover the topic. Why didn't your brother have this talk with you?

Dad has been traveling even more than usual. Tallahassee, Baton Rouge, Atlanta, and then Lansing. Whatever he is hunting, it's big. He still won't tell me what it is all about so I'm just going to have to trust him.

At least he is letting me out of his sight now. He is sending me to work a case in New Orleans. The home of Mardi Gras, great music, and even better food. Dad is on his own hunt. He should be gone for a few days and then we will meet up again.

Dean

P.S. Sammy turned twenty two this year.

**Author's Note:**

> There are spelling/grammar errors in this fic. It is intentional since it fits the way I view Dean Winchester. I don't think spelling/grammar would be his priority.


End file.
